The new year is not my favorite time of year. In 2019 at the very beginning of the year we got word that all my Dad’s cancer treatments were unsuccessful and it was time to stop. Now this wasn’t a huge shock the brothers and I had seen the signs over the summer and more so over the holidays. That doesn’t mean we were prepared either. Growing up our mom had cancer twice and made it. That my friends really gives you not false hope but rose colored glasses. So we gathered, made phone calls and plans. Hospice in a home wasn’t for him and to have him in my parents condo would have been to crowded so off we went to his sister’s who lives close by, and has plenty of room and open arms. Now my Dad has 6 sisters and he is the oldest. 2 in our state 3 in California and 1 in Florida. Family flew in, drove up and down from their homes. The first weekend at my Aunt’s was everything my dad would have wanted it to be. Laughter, memories, just family together. From there well I am sure you can figure it out. Then on the 19th we knew the end was near. The thing about the 19th is it is my baby brother’s birthday. When we first heard the end was near my fear was he would pass on my birthday in March which shows how much denial I had going on, and the fact that for years bad things happened on my birthday. I never once thought of my brother’s birthday . He told my Dad its okay and being the selfless person he is said he’d even be honored. Now 2 years later I am still lost in some ways. 2019 sucked in so many ways for me. I am lucky I have a fantastic support system and family that has stepped up to help fill that void. When I want to call my Dad I have an Uncle I call to have that fatherly conversation with. My awesome Aunts who love to tell stories as much as he did. 3 brothers that remind me of him in so many ways. My strong ass mother who has been through so much and still manages to find humor. My cousins who I love like siblings and check on me. My besties who cheer me up or cry with me. My sis who went through the same thing first and has been my rock and crying partner. And so many other wonderful people. I miss my Dad every single day , and that won’t change no matter how old I get. Now don’t get me wrong my own family has been through it all with me and they go through it daily too. My kids were super close to my dad and so was my husband but that is a blog for another day. Until then Have a super good day